Letter to Carina

Dear Carina,

I had a strange feeling past weeks ...I knew it was a birthday I was forgetting but the answer did not come ...this morning I told my mother I wanted to write you ...and tonight I find a gift ... I found your stories ...

Earlier today I was chatting with my Burmese refugee friends from Thailand. B2 (a young guy of 25) is still in prison, sentenced for 37 years and hard labour, he was about to get engaged just before he was arrested. His 'mistake' was organising education to the young people of his remote area ... I have been in his village, met his colleague who is living in the forest since a few months ...My friends are suffering from malaria, have little money to buy food and don't have opportunities to study, work or walk freely on the streets without the fear of getting arrested ...Nobody knows my feelings ...

Last month my article about Burma was published in Belgium ...I could not share my feelings ...and felt sad.

I am months behind with my stories of my journey ...this letter to you feels as I am starting to write again since I have stopped ...

I realise again how our roads are really our roads ... I could not travel yours, you could not travel mine ... I thank you for telling us about your road. I sense your happiness without neglecting your hardships ... It is like seeing coming true your dream I knew deep inside ..I am not surprised, it is like I knew your dream and your road ... We also have no goodbyes! I write with tears in my eyes. I miss you! Last weekend I went for a hike, took sandwishes and tea, enjoyed the views, the sun, the cold on my face, the sound of the leaves ... Jonas was with me, a German friend ...I told him it looked a bit like Estonia ... It was Belgium ...

Every person who saw me the past two months saw I am happy, myself included ... I found the energy of doing really many things ...I am living with an energy doing things so opposite from my past year ... I listened to some voices from deep inside and was given answers before I had the time to question ...

...I followed a dream to study again and I am at University now, taking classes, studying, making homework, meeting new friends and stimulating my hunger for knowledge and skills ...

If there was one thing I missed on the road? You know this question being asked .. I used to say a danceclass of my sister ... it is like somebody has counted the times I missed it (starting from the year 2000 when I left Antwerp) and is giving me a second chance now ... I am dancing up to 4 or 5 times a week sometimes, performing in churches, on marketplaces and soon in schools and theaters.
Just before leaving in June 2007 a friend and I had an idea about boxes ...about working with other young people to explore the boxes we live in, to break out of the boxes and enlarge our 'watchboxes' ... In August 2008 we met again, looked at each other and said "we still have ten days before the deadline of the Council of Europe to submit our project proposal". Today we are setting up our own organisation and in February the international training course Challenge to Change will take place in Antwerp. On September 1st I also went to work again ... enabling me to give.

... I ask myself now: "Am I living my dream?" Yes again I am realizing some of my dreams ...and I still have many and I trust that I will make them come true ...but you should not have asked me in July where I would be in the end of October ...The bridge between my road in Asia and my life in Europe was tough, very tough ... I tried to fix a plan and it simply did not work. A lesson again. The day I stopped trying to make a sound plan I smiled again ... I finally felt I was were I was ... I think I arrived in Belgium one and a half month later than I fysically did ... You might also remember I received a ticket to New Zealand, I even had a Japanese woman and a house waiting to welcome me ...I should have known that this is NOT a sign from the road ...certainty is not part of the road! I think I told you how my road suddenly brought me back to Belgium ...and there I was ... I had no clue were I had to head to ... I puzzled and puzzled to plan my way to get back where I left, get through Australia and to arrive in New Zealand 'on time' ... It just didn't make sense. I received a sad letter about another door closed in New Zealand ...I remembered my lessons from the road and just lived ...let things develop and unroll ...and so here I am now, smiling at the beauty of Antwerp and spending time with friends and family ... I notice that the ticket to New Zealand might not be used in the end (it is still valid till 7th of December) ...

If there is one thing I miss these days...it is the road but I know I can't do both at the same time and I made a promise to myself to make my dreams come true ...I receive daily the energy to do so ...I read your stories and remember mine but I now also recognise my story here ...My days on the road are limited, I have reached to 158 rides ...last time I camped I slept on the streets of a city in the Netherlands ...Next time I will be in a new country, a new language it will be with a returnticket for a plane together with my colleagues ...In the meanwhile other kind of stories are unfolding and surprising me greatly ...In May no thought came to me predicting that I would be in Europe again ...

For almost everybody it might look I dropped my travelplans and made some new ones ...studying, working etc. ...with the exeption of me. My only guide is my heart ...je suis mon reve ...I continue living my dream ...just like you ...that is why we are connected!

See you at the crossroads!